don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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