please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You're a waste of cheezeits
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
