It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
