I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
