she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
