No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
