broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
