It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
