We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
