Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
