What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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