Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
