Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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