Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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