New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
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Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize