Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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