Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
