is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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