all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
