all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
