My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
