i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.