mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
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used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
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She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!