On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
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He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
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I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"