Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
