i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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