Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
