You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
