woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
