The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
