Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i love accidental penises.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
