so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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