you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
