I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
