Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
