Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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