I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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