it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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