No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
