Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
