im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Randomize
