It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i drank out of a bidet.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize