you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
