She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
