Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
