I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
