No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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