She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
