Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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