Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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