we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
