Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
