My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
