Don't you send me to vm
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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