if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
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i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
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She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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