She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
