im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
