Duck Duck Cougar?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize
