If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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