I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
false alarm. still invincible.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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